The Complete Vow Workbook — printable

Work through it in order. The parts that feel like admin — the tone box, the promise check — are the parts that stop you writing something beautiful that you cannot say.

Print one copy each and do not compare until section five. Two people who draft separately end up with two voices, which is the point. Two people who draft together end up with one document read twice.

Written by

For

Ceremony date

Section one

Choose the tone before you choose the words

Circle one. You may borrow a second in small quantities. You may not use all five; that is how a vow becomes a variety show.

Plain — short sentences, no ornament, nothing that needs a run-up.
Warm — affectionate and specific, comfortable saying the obvious thing out loud.
Funny in small doses — one or two landings, then back to the ground. A joke is a doorway, not a room.
Formal — measured, structured, closer to the traditional shape. Good in a building that expects it.
Faith-specific, with officiant guidance — required wording confirmed first, personal wording written around it.

My tone

Borrowed, sparingly, from

If your ceremony has required or prohibited wording, find that out now, from your officiant, before you write a line you will have to give up later.

Section two

Twenty memory questions

Answer in objects, sentences and Tuesdays. “She is kind” is true and unusable. Ten of these come from the memory-question worksheet in the Template Drawer; ten are here only.

The first ten

01What did you first notice?

02When did this become serious?

03What small habit would your partner recognize immediately?

04Which difficult season taught you something about the two of you?

05What place holds a private memory?

06What made you laugh during planning?

07Who helped you get here?

08What are you proud of in your partner?

09What promise belongs in daily life, not ceremony language?

10What do you hope an ordinary Tuesday feels like in five years?

The second ten

11When did they show up without being asked?

12What do they do when you are tired?

13Which story belongs only to the two of you?

14What have you repaired together?

15What future detail can you picture?

16What are you grateful they understand?

17What quality do you want to protect?

18What makes home feel like home?

19What do you want to say directly, without a joke?

20What should remain private?

Now mark the page. Underline the three answers with an actual object or moment in them. Circle the one that is only true of this person. Cross out anything that would be true of a good friend. Those three underlines are your middle.

Section three

The vow library, in full

Every line from the library on the site, printed here so you can mark it up. Use these as structure — how an opening turns, how a promise stays specific, where a closing stops. Do not lift a whole line and call it yours; a borrowed sentence is audible from the third row.

Openings

“I have loved you since before I knew what to call it — somewhere between the second coffee and the first time you laughed at the wrong moment of a sad film.” romantic · story-led
“I am not a person of many words, so I have chosen these few carefully.” understated
“I wrote seven drafts of these vows, and you were kind about every terrible one — which is, honestly, most of what you need to know about us.” funny
“Before our families and friends, I come to make you the promises I intend to keep for the rest of my life.” traditional
“The night we met, I told my best friend I had just had the most interesting argument of my life. I have been losing arguments to you, gratefully, ever since.” story-led
“You are my favorite person. Everything else I say to-day is a footnote to that.” short
“I know what these words weigh. That is exactly why I am so glad to be saying them to you.” second marriage
“People say you shouldn’t promise forever. But I have watched you make coffee at six in the morning for someone who doesn’t deserve you before eight, and I am not afraid of forever.” romantic

Promises

“I promise to love you loudly on the good days and quietly on the hard ones — but always, and out loud at least once a day.” romantic
“I promise to show up. In the big ways, yes — but mostly in the small ones, which I have learned are the big ones.” understated
“I promise to pretend to hear the ending of every story you tell me from another room.” funny
“I promise that the last slice, the good pillow and the window seat are yours — and that I will only occasionally mention it.” funny
“I promise to stand beside you in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, and to keep faith with you in all things.” traditional
“I promise to keep doing the thing we did on our third date — the one nobody else understands — for as long as our knees allow.” story-led
“I promise you my honesty, my patience, and my whole heart — not in that order.” short
“I promise to bring everything I have learned — including the hard lessons — and to spend them all on loving you well.” second marriage
“I promise to keep choosing you: on the ordinary Tuesdays, in the waiting rooms, at the airport gates, and in every kitchen we ever dance in.” romantic · story-led
“I promise not to keep score, except of the times you make me laugh, which I am afraid you are winning.” understated

Closings

“Whatever comes, I would rather weather it holding your hand than watch it pass from anywhere else on earth.” romantic
“You are home to me. That is the whole vow, really. The rest was detail.” understated
“So yes — I do. I did the day I met you; I just needed the paperwork.” funny
“With this ring, I give you my hand, my heart, and my word — from this day, for all my days.” traditional
“Our story started in the least romantic place in the world, and it has made every place since more romantic. Let’s keep going.” story-led
“It has always been you. It will always be you.” short
“I did not believe in second chances until you turned out to be the first thing I ever got completely right.” second marriage
“Grow old with me. The best chapters are unwritten — and I know just where we’ll keep them.” romantic · short

Section four

The draft shape

Seven moves. Write one or two sentences into each. Do not write the whole vow and then try to find the shape inside it.

iAddress them.

iiName one true thing.

iiiTell one short memory.

ivSay what it taught you.

vMake three to five specific promises.

viLook forward.

viiEnd in your own register.

Section five

The promise check

Take each promise from move five and run it through all five questions. A promise that fails one of these is not a bad sentence; it is a sentence that belongs somewhere other than a vow.

The promise	Can I keep this on an ordinary week?	Is it mine to promise?	Is it specific enough to mean something?	Have I promised perfection?	Have I spoken for my partner?

The two that catch the most. “Have I promised perfection?” catches I will never and always. “Have I accidentally spoken for my partner?” catches we will — which is a lovely instinct and still someone else’s vow to make.

Section six

The read-aloud check

A vow is not writing. It is speech, delivered by a nervous person in a quiet room, possibly holding a piece of paper that has started to shake. Read the whole thing out loud, standing up, twice.

Mark every place you ran out of breath. Put a full stop there.
Mark any private detail that sounded different out loud than it did on the page. This is the check that saves you. Some things are true, funny between the two of you, and wrong in front of an aunt.
Mark repeated phrases. Two I promise tos in a row is rhythm; five is a list.
Mark the one line you most want them to hear, and slow down before it.
Read it once more to a friend who will tell you the truth.

Read-aloud time, first pass

Second pass, slower

Length we agreed on

Time it rather than counting words, and agree a rough length with your partner so one of you is not speaking for four minutes after the other spoke for forty seconds. Nerves make everyone read faster than they practised, so the slower pass is the honest number.

Section seven

Final copy

Write it out by hand, in full, in the size you can read while your hands are shaking. This is the page that goes in a pocket.

Final copy — continued

Borrow structure, not someone else’s private sentence. Check ceremony requirements with your officiant. Keep one printed copy and one offline phone copy with someone you trust — the person holding your run sheet is a good choice, because they are already holding everything else.

Printed copy is with

Offline phone copy is with