Memory questions

Ask while the details are still ordinary.

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Vows and speeches fail in the middle. The opening arrives on its own and the ending arrives on its own; the middle is where you need something that actually happened. These ten questions are for finding it.

Print two copies and answer separately. Comparing afterwards is half the point — you will each have kept a different Tuesday.

Answered by

Date

01What did you first notice?

02When did this become serious?

03What small habit would your partner recognize immediately?

04Which difficult season taught you something about the two of you?

05What place holds a private memory?

06What made you laugh during planning?

07Who helped you get here?

08What are you proud of in your partner?

09What promise belongs in daily life, not ceremony language?

10What do you hope an ordinary Tuesday feels like in five years?

Answer in objects and sentences, not adjectives. “He is kind” is true and unusable. “He warms the car for four minutes before I come out, in November, without being asked” is the same fact with somewhere to stand.

Then mark it up

Underline the answer you would be happy to say out loud in front of your family.
Circle the one you would not. Keep it. It may belong in a letter rather than a ceremony.
Star the answer that surprised you when you wrote it down.

Where this goes next. These ten questions open the vow workbook, which adds ten more, a drafting shape and a read-aloud check. They also make a good speech, and a good first chapter.