Most couples know something's off before they can name it. The calls feel different. The texts are shorter. Something's missing, but you can't pinpoint what.
This audit is designed to make the invisible visible. It evaluates six dimensions of LDR communication, each based on what research identifies as essential for relationship maintenance across distance.[1]
Score yourself honestly—not how you want things to be, but how they actually are right now. At the end, you'll see which areas are strong and which need attention, with specific action items for each.
- How does this communication audit work?
- The audit evaluates 30 aspects of your LDR communication across 6 dimensions: Frequency & Rhythm, Depth & Vulnerability, Conflict Resolution, Future Orientation, Daily Presence, and Emotional Support. Rate each statement 1-5 based on your current reality. Your scores reveal strengths to maintain and gaps to address, with tailored recommendations for each area.
Before You Begin
This works best if both partners complete it separately, then compare results. Differences in perception are often where the real insights live.
Rate each statement on a scale of 1-5:
Understanding Your Results
What the Dimensions Mean
Frequency & Rhythm
This measures whether your communication patterns work for both of you. It's not about talking enough—it's about talking the right amount. Some couples thrive on daily marathon calls; others prefer brief check-ins with deep weekly conversations. Problems arise when partners have mismatched needs, or when communication feels obligatory rather than desired.
Depth & Vulnerability
LDRs can become surprisingly intimate because so much of your connection happens through words. But they can also become superficial—a nightly exchange of "how was your day" that never goes deeper. This dimension measures whether you're actually growing closer emotionally, or just going through the motions.
Conflict Resolution
Fighting without body language is hard. You can't see a softening expression, can't reach for a hand, can't physically show you're not going anywhere. Couples who struggle here often let conflicts fester or blow up disproportionately. Healthy LDR conflict resolution requires explicit skills that in-person couples can sometimes do intuitively.
Future Orientation
Research consistently shows that having a shared vision for the future is one of the strongest predictors of LDR success.[2] This doesn't mean you need an exact timeline, but both partners should feel aligned on where this is going and how serious the commitment is.
Daily Presence
In geographically close relationships, you absorb each other's daily lives naturally—the coworker drama, the morning routine, the small frustrations and joys. LDRs have to create this deliberately. Without it, partners can start feeling like strangers who only know each other's highlight reels.
Emotional Support
Can you be there for each other when it matters? Not just in words, but in a way that actually makes your partner feel supported? This is often the hardest dimension in an LDR because physical presence is one of our most powerful comfort mechanisms. Scoring well here means you've found ways to provide real support despite the distance.
What to Do With Your Results
The goal isn't to score 25/25 in every dimension. That's unrealistic. The goal is to identify where you're strong, where you're struggling, and whether both partners see things the same way.
The most valuable use of this audit is comparative. Have your partner complete it separately, then compare:
- Where do you agree? These areas, whether strong or weak, are at least shared perceptions.
- Where do you disagree? This is where the real conversations need to happen. If you scored Conflict Resolution at 20 and they scored it at 12, you're experiencing something different.
- What's your weakest shared area? This is where focused work will have the most impact.
References
- Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender and relational characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8(2), 217-242.
- Sahlstein, E. M. (2004). Relating at a distance: Negotiating being together and being apart in long-distance relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21(5), 689-710.
Want to understand your patterns more deeply? Take our Attachment Style Quiz or learn about relationship maintenance behaviors.